It's Time

I need a change of scenery. My mood has changed, but my surroundings have not, and that needs to change…lol. I do not at all want to go back to my old mood; I like this new be. But I do wish I could rearrange my room or just discover another amazing place on campus to do my thing in. I have been here for a while though, and while I am not over Grand Valley yet, I am over campus, I think. I have read, slept, and nature watched in the Seidman House. I have read, had loud unruly fun with friends, slept, crammed all night, and people watched in Kirkhof Center, the library, Kleiner, and Henry Hall. I have spent ten hours in Manitou typing a paper and have lived in nearly every style of living on GV’s campus (whether it was my official residence or my friends'). I know that I just moved into this new place, but I guess I spend so much time here that I am over it already too. I have tried Fuel, but that fake fire place just pisses me off every time. I, quite honestly, would hit up the ravines, but clearly the weather is not appeasing. Plus, I am terribly distracted by the inimitable beauty that surrounds me whenever I go down there, so I always just end up meditating instead. I need something else to sit in while I eat the material that my lovely professors cared so much to prepare for me.

I am not quite sure what brought about this change in my overall mood. It could be the lovely feel of this past weekend and the events leading up to it. Love makes me so happy, whether it is my love or not. I think it is the link between love and the vast possibilities for my future that has been the most influential contributing factor. I wanna go so many places to give and receive so much, and in this time I will meet so many people. Goodness, I could fall in love so many times and in so many ways in this time. What is even more amazing is that I could love an African, Italian, Brit, or Parisian. I could love a Peace Corps volunteer, a musician, lawyer, or social worker, which evokes another line of thought.

Is it strange that after four years of preparing for my future, I still do not know what I want it to hold? I often find myself sitting here in my same ol’ room wondering what the post Peace Corps plan is. What if I choose to stay overseas? A friend, Carrie, brought up a good point about grad school in Europe. What if I decide to do that? If I do come back to the States, will I go to law school, earn a MSW, or get a job and begin those violin and salsa lessons I’ve always wanted to take? I could get a massage therapy certification too. I don’t know really. And it would be great to simply find contentment in not knowing, but that is not at all an easy task when every scholarship application I complete is asking me what my career goals are. Is Peace Corps volunteering a career? I mean it is only a two-year commitment, but that is the minimum. I guess I could make a career out of it. Either way, it is the only thing about my future that I am certain of right now. I don’t even see myself ending up in one particular place right now. All I see is me being my amazing self in some place that allows for that, an amazing place. I see myself doing what I want to do at that point in time and doing my amazing best. What about that?