happy face (i guess today was a bit of a rollercoaster)

today, as i was riding the bus to school, i passed the zen temple and realized that there exists a bus route with a straight shot from my future home to school. so excited! (you would be too if you had to endure the detroit bus system on a regular basis.) then, i got a call from the head teacher with an invitation to a special event at the abbey to get to know the other residents. again, so excited! i cannot wait to move, especially with mommy imposing all of these chores on me. shit, i feel like i'm in high school. but we won't go back there. basically, i am finally looking forward and trying not to dwell on the uncomfortable present.
i was reading old diaries last night, from high school and even some from as recent as 2 years ago. i was happy to see how much ive grown, evolved, and come into myself. i mean i am so different. much of psychology says that personality does not change, despite changes in values, beliefs, habits, and behavior. however, i cannot deny the fact that my personality has; i must be one of the exceptions to the rule. while reading those journals and reflecting on my high school experiences, i have discovered how much of a damn follower i was. and today, in speech class, my speech was so totally against followers that i might have ruined it for all of the leaders; they'll have no one to lead. don't get me wrong; i understand that it is sometimes good to be a follower, especially if you are ignorant about that the hell is going on. still, i am so tired of having conversations with people about issues when they clearly got all of their information by copying what everyone else thinks.
i am so tired that i am going to take a break from it for a while. no more debates and activism. it is all just stressing me out. ill pick back up with it when i move next month; i think the meditating will make it a bit easier to cope with the ignorance that i deal with every day.
speaking of ignorace--and speaking--i kicked ass with my speech today. i felt so proud, and the prof. got what i was saying and she and other students told me how great of a job that i did. it was a bit long, but i think i got the main purpose across: education > growth > change > progress...its a good philosophy to adopt...